There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
