Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
