i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
