I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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