So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she peed on how many people?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
