it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
