so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
