No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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