Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
