So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
