yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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