just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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