Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
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I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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