Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
