tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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