She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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