yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
