it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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