Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
