We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
