he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
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It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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