Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
