i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
