Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
