So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
