not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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