You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
