3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
