somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
worst night to have a conscience
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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