i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize