4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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