We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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