So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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