I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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