There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Green mimosas i think yes
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
