he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
