I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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