Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
