i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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