You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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