i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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