i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's like iHOP with fire
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
