Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
