He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
