The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
