then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
