Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
