i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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