Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
