I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
