he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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