I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
