my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
