I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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