My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
