These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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