pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
