why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
