I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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