I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
