did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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