Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
