who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
