OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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