Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
