Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
