i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
