Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
