I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
