Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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