New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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