He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
