On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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