dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
