I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
