One girl and one boy is just not enough.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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