Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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