Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
