hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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